Memories . . .

I'll go ahead and prepare you now, if you don't have a few minutes to sit down and read, you probably want to stop now and come back later. : ) I decided a few days ago that I would sit down and write down the story of the days surrounding Sawyer's coming home day, mostly for myself, but also for any of you who don't know our story. So, here we go. I'll start with a little background, in case you don't know how we got to the place of wanting to adopt. Ian and I decided that we wanted to start a family in December of 2005. We started trying and after a few months I knew something just wasn't right. We started going to doctors in January of 2006, running tests and taking medication. We were never given a reason for not being able to concieve, but after testing and months of medicine, we were both unsure of how to proceed. There were still other options that we could pursue, but neither of us had a peace about that, so we made a choice in August of 2006 to visit Bethany Christian Services. We filled out the miles of paperwork and had our home visits and everything was completed and given the stamp of approval right after Thanksgiving 06. That's when the waiting game began. Several women from church had thrown us a shower in October, so we had everything we needed and were working on the nursery so we would be prepared. We had heard stories of people getting a baby the day they finished their process and then people who had waited for months. We were prepared to wait, but I for one, was hoping that it would happen before Christmas. A baby in the house on Christmas day was the best Christmas present I could think of, but that was not the Lord's plan for us, and Christmas came and went without a baby. At that point, I thought we were going to be in for a pretty long wait, so I prepared myself, kept the nursery door closed, and prayed for strength and a continued sense of peace. At this time in my life I grew in ways that I never could have imagined. The Lord taught me so much about who he was and who I was in Him. I mourned the thought that I might never give birth to children, but I could very honestly say that the Lord had given me a love for children and that any child he gave me would be mine in every sense of the word. I remember sitting in church one Sunday listening to one of our preachers speak and he started by speaking about Eric Liddell. Eric Liddell, in case you don't know, was the man that "Chariots of Fire" is about. He is well known for that movie, but less well known for his missions work in China. In a book that our pastor had read, when asked what the Lord had put him on this earth for, Liddell answered that it was to take Christ to China. The person asking had expected him to talk about running, but that was not what he saw as his purpose in life. Our pastor asked if we could answer that question and say what the Lord had put us on earth to do. Without any hesitation I heard a voice in my head say you were put on this earth to love children! It was from that day on that I knew whether they were my "belly" babies or my "heart" babies, I would love them all the same. Well, our wait turned out to be much shorter than I had anticipated and on January 15th, while I was at work, I got a phone call. I can still remember being in the 1st and 2nd grade classroom at LEAP (our afterschool program) when our church secretary walked in and said that there was a lady on the phone for me named Tricia and wanted to know if she should take a message or if I wanted to take it. The moment I heard that name, I tried not to overreact. Tricia was the name of our social worker and she had very clearly stated that she would try not to call us unless it was to tell us about a baby. I literally ran down the hall to my office and picked up the phone, only to be dissapointed over the fact that no one was there. I went back to the room and told Chris that she must have hung up, but if she called back, to please let me know. Well, within a few minutes Chris was back and said that she was still on the line, so I ran back down the hall. I went to my office again, and the same thing happened, so I looked at the phone and realized my phone was having issues, which was nothing new. I ran over to one of our pastor's offices, which was empty, thankfully enough and answered the phone. I heard Tricia's voice and she asked if I had a few minutes. Of course, I said yes and she proceeded to give me the details about a little baby boy who had been born on December 29th and was staying with a foster family in Myrtle Beach, SC. I don't think my heart has ever pounded so hard in my life as it did during that conversation! I tried to think straight and ask intelligent questions, but I definitely missed a few details. : ) Both birth parents were in favor of the adoption and were willing to sign relinquishment papers the next day. Because of the birth father's schedule and their desire to keep everything a secret, if we were going to adopt this baby we had to do it the next day! The birth mom had not had any prenatal care, so Tricia ask me to take all of those details to Ian, discuss it with him, and then get back to her with our decision, and a name if we were going to move forward. I remember thinking, "What do you mean IF?" In my mind it was a done deal! I called Ian, who was actually working on a campaign at the time, and told him to sit down because I had some important stuff to tell him! He was shocked, as you can imagine, but felt the same way that I did. We both new this baby was ours! We decided we would call our parents seperately since we wouldn't see each other until much later that night. I called Tricia and gave her the news and then she gave me the details for where we would meet and what we should bring. I called my parents, and a few friends and then went and jumped up and down in the hall with some of my friends who were there at LEAP. I could barely make a completely sentence but I had to get some stuff finished before I left. I went to Babies R Us to get some boy clothes and then home to clean, since I couldn't figure out what else to do. We barely slept that night, and then spent the next day, cleaning and putting stuff together for our sweet baby. We loaded up the carseat and ourselves at 2:00 in the afternoon and headed for Sumter where we were going to meet. I was so nervous I couldn't see straight, so we just tried to talk about what might happen and pray for the things we weren't sure about. We arrived at the church and walked through the door of the office and the first thing we saw was the back of our baby boy's head. I almost started crying at the sight of that head full of hair! We only got to see him for a minute before the social workers took him back to see his birth parents for a few minutes. We spent that time talking to his foster parents about what he liked, disliked, his schedule, and all the things we needed to know about our sweet boy. They couldn't stop talking about what a great baby he was and how much they were going to miss him. They had made a scrapbook of the two weeks that they had him and so they gave that to us, as well as the outfits they had bought for him. They were so precious and had obviously treated him like their own grandchild while they had him. After that we went to talk with the social workers about the adoption ceremony that would take place. They asked both of us to just speak off the cuff to help put the birth parents at ease and then they ask Ian to read some scripture and pray. Ian was definitely nervous about this part, as was I, but it happened so fast we didn't have long to think about it. They had warned us that the birth mom was very emotional, but open, and that the birth father had been very closed off, trying to keep his emotions at bay. We walked into the room and once again saw our baby in the arms of his birth father and standing beside him was his birth mother. They were obviously crying and had been crying for a while. I started by speaking, and I couldn't tell you a word that I said. I launched into tears and cried the entire time I spoke, which if you know me you realize that's not too uncommon when I have to speak in front of people. After that Ian spoke, and again I couldn't tell you a word he said. What I will never forget, however, is what happened after Ian spoke. He finished talking and Sawyer's birth father, who still had Sawyer in his arms, walked across the room and literally crushed Ian in a bear hug. He stood there for several minutes hugging Ian, with Sawyer between them, crying and saying thank you. I have never felt so emotional as I did at that very moment. Once they broke apart Ian continued by reading some scripture and praying. Sawyer's birth mom then handed Sawyer to me, with more tears than I thought possible, which was the first time I had held our son. If you've never been a part of process like this, you can't imagine the different emotions that rush through you. I was so thrilled to hold my baby boy for the first time and so torn over how upset this motion was making this poor girl. You almost feel like you're causing her grief, but I knew that I was giving her a gift, something that she couldn't do herself and that she wanted it, despite the tears. We took a few pictures, but we quitely slipped out after that to give them time to collect themselves. We had to finish signing paperwork, but after that we were able to thank everyone, pack up our baby, and head back home. It was so surreal to get in the car with our baby! I then spent the next hour calling everyone under the sun to let them know that we were going home and that we had our baby! That night our parents and many of our friends were at our house to greet us and meet our sweet baby. We had a whirlwind of visitors over the next few days, and began to adjust to having a new baby in the house, but I will never forget that first day, as long as I live. I love you my sweet boy!